Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
