Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
