You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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