you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
