My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
