you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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