In the future we'll all be gay
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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