The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
