I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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