That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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