I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
