im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
