they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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