i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
