1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
