It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
