she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
