Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
