you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
