I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
