I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
