Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
