I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
