You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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