At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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