why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize