I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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