I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
