Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My vagina just recognized that song.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
