Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
