Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
