as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
