sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
