im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
