chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you didnt know i had herpes?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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