My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
