He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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