So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
