ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
