Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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