I just cut my nipple shaving
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
