I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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