i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You are a genius and a whore.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
