I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
