Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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