I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
