There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
