he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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