I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
