ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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