meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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