Me. At least after what I've been through.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
