I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
