Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
