There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
