Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Two words: nipple clamps
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