I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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