You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at about main and main street
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
