last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
