First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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