Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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