my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
