It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
