Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
