and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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