just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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