Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
