the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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