We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
