Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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