yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
