even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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