Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
