But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
