They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I FOUND THE LEGS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
