Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did I show you my penis last night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
