I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
