My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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