i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
