Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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