how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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