i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
