I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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