I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
babies were throwing up all over the place
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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